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Shen Ku
April 2008 
How to meet our neighbors?
Katin
Is this a problem for many other folks? If you have met your neighbors, please leave a comment telling me how it happened.
I've lived eight different places in the last couple of decades, and in each place, I didn't know many (or any) of my neighbors. Some of these places were houses, some were apartments.
When I moved into a new place, no one brought cookies or a cake or anything, saying "hello! welcome to the neighborhood." No one even introduced themselves. One man did, he was 70 years old, an HAM radio guy, and the emergency coordinator for our neighborhood (self-appointed). This guy was great; he was clearly from the old school. But he's the only one.
When I moved with my parents to new places (in the 60's & 70's), we had neighbors coming over, introducing themselves, asking if we needed anything, and bringing goodies. PLUS the local Welcome Wagon ladies. Not every neighbor came to meet us, mind you, but more than one in each place did.
Whenever I move, I wonder if I should bake four or five cakes and take them around to my neighbors, saying, "Hey! I just moved in..." but I'm just not brave enough. It seems backward, and I imagine they'd be thinking I'm a kook, because nobody does that. I imagine them saying, "Oh, great, what does this guy want... he's going to invite me to his church next." Knocking on someone's door these days seems to have a real stigma to it. People don't want to be bothered at their homes, people don't have time to talk unless previously scheduled, and people have things to do, TV shows to watch, video games to play, the Internet to type on.
What the heck is going on? I know we don't *need* our neighbors in 2005 in America. We can get everything we need from the store. Heck, all eight neighbors in a cul-de-sac can all have riding lawn mowers thanks to our strong economy. And that's wonderful. But is it really that smart? What are we missing?
Online networks and social networking systems are great, and I love them. But the kinds of exchanges that can happen (thus far) online are limited. Even something as simple as swapping paperback books or DVDs requires postage, wrapping, etc. How can you loan someone your lawn mower / shovel / jumper cables / cup of sugar over the Internet? I can't help my Interent buddy carry his new furniture up the stairs, or feed his cat while he's on vacation, or walk down to the corner store with him to grab a drink on a hot day. I can't juggle or play frisbee or go to the pool with my Internet buddy.
Yet, apparently I can't do any of these things with my neighbors, either, since we all huddle inside our apartments, speculating how everyone else that is hiding out in their apartments must be drug dealers, unibombers, drunks, terrorists, running meth labs, or other seen-it-on-the-news, gee-they-live-next-door-to-you kind of twisted take.
I'm getting really frustrated with the state of community in our cities. Is this just west-coast thing? Is it just a major city thing? Is it just me? Do I just need to shower? Did my goatee really look that scary? Eeeeesh.
Access: Public
Hi Katin,
I share your frustration. I moved in to this small condo in a great neighborhood over a year ago now, and I barely talk to our neighbors. The problem as I see it is not enough time spent in shared spaces.
Last summer when I was out washing my car every couple of weeks, I did have a few casual conversations with the adjacent neighbors. During the cold rainy months, I just pull up, back the car in to the garage and close it, like it's the Bat Cave or something. One of the neighbors actually made this reference once.
Lately we have met some new neighbors that moved in next door, but that's only because they are outside frequently, talk a lot and initiate conversations. We, on the other hand, are usually outside only while we are entering and leaving. They even invited us to a pot luck, but after we heard the word 'bible study' in the conversation, it seemed less interesting.
Anyway, that is a long-winded way of saying that, if you want to meet and talk with your neighbors, I suggest you hang out in public spaces and initiate conversations. An easy way to do this, at least for me, would be to set up a lawn chair in my garage and sit there with my laptop, and do what I'm doing now until someone walks by.
Be the change you want to see in the world….
it works.